Have You and Your Partner Lost Your Footing?

Is your relationship with your partner in distress? Is the safety and security you’ve always taken for granted with your partner now in question? Are you worried your relationship may be in peril if you don’t do something to change your dynamic?

couples therapy: partner complaining to couples therapist about their partner

If you’ve lost connection with your partner, you’re probably feeling isolated because they were your closest confidante. As humans, we’re wired to need a few significant others to have our back when the going gets rough. Many of us choose a life partner to be that significant other. If your partner is no longer there for you, you may be feeling lonely and insecure, or perhaps even angry, about your future together.

Perhaps you’re both stretched thin in your day-to-day lives. No wonder you’re stressed when you’re together. Your communication has become fraught and tense. Perhaps you’ve tried to hide the tension, but your good friend, or your children, have noticed and commented.

You’ve probably noticed the two of you are fighting more frequently or more intensely. Alternatively, there may be a distance between you that you’re unsure how to bridge. You fluctuate between hostility and uncomfortable silence.

Maybe the relationship is off balance and there’s a lack of equal partnership. Instead of a safe haven where you feel nourished and recharged by your partner, you’re feeling weighed down and depleted.

It may seem your relationship is buckling under the strain of how to manage challenges like infertility, illness, job loss, or lack of family support. Or perhaps alcohol, drugs, excessive shopping, or Facebook use is contributing to discord in your relationship.

Has there been infidelity (whether it be physical, emotional, or online)? Has porn use presented problems with intimacy?

Fortunately, couples therapy can be invaluable for helping you find the path back to each other.

The Demands Facing Modern Couples Create Stress For Relationships

While the statistics about divorce have never been great (it’s estimated that 38 percent of all marriages in Canada end in divorce, and this percentage doesn’t include cohabitating spouses), the heightened stress caused by the pandemic has led to a further spike in break-ups and dissolutions.

Two-career families, commutes, parenting, lack of support because families are far away—the demands are endless.

To compound things, we place huge expectations on our relationships. As modern couples we expect partners to be excellent co-parents, expert cooks, domestic gurus, financially successful economic partners, wonderful companions, great lovers, and so on. It’s not surprising we buckle under the pressure.

In particular, transitional periods place stress on our relationships. Many couples point to the arrival of children as the time when they began to drift apart.

Conversely, the transition to the empty nest is also difficult for many couples. The focus shifts away from the children and back on one another, which make the cracks that formed over the years glaringly obvious.

Moving from the world of work into retirement can also be a time when relationships begin to unravel. We lose the security of our former work routine. Our career gave us an identity that retirement doesn’t as easily provide.

Many of us minimize the extent of the issues, hoping that somehow our relationships will get better over time. Or, wee make attempts to improve things by reading a relationship book or sign on to an internet course about relationships. We might ask for advice from a friend or family member or spiritual guide. Perhaps we try date nights or a couples vacation—all to no avail.

To restore connection, perhaps it’s time to look outside of the relationship for professional help.

If you’ve resolved you don’t want your relationship to be over, but you want it to be better, then it’s time to consider couples therapy. Talking together is not a pipe dream. It’s possible to have a friendship with your partner and enjoy being together again.