“I’m Afraid our Relationship will Suffer if We’re in Separate Beds”

Hard to get a good night's sleep with my partner in the same bedSo, you’re a committed couple. Congratulations! You live together. Great! But you’re talking about sleeping in separate beds. And you’re worried this will bode poorly for your relationship.

Competing studies about this very issue come to different conclusions.

A Wall Street Journal article recently reported on the work of Wendy M. Troxel. According to Troxel, sleeping with your partner is critical for reducing heart disease and psychiatric well-being. The article explains that, while research is so far inconclusive, sleeping together may stimulate the production of healthy hormones. The article goes on to discuss how people who prefer different sleep times can negotiate their difference.

On the other hand, a recent CBC article based on research at Ryerson University notes that as many as 30-40 percent of couples may choose “sleep divorce,” as the better option. The idea here is pretty obvious. If you can’t get a good night’s sleep with your partner, choosing to sleep apart might be the only way to get a good night’s sleep.

I resonate with Troxel’s findings. But like many married people, I just don’t get a good night’s sleep when we’re together. I’m hot, he’s cold (it used to be the other way around!). I go to bed early, he wakes me when he goes to bed late. We both steal each other’s sheets. My husband and I love sleeping together, except that I can’t!

So, after talking about this, and reading the above mentioned articles, we’ve reached an equilibrium. We start off together. And most nights I move to some other place in the house—another bedroom, a couch. I don’t mind at all. This works for us. Most couples can find ways to accommodate each other!

What about you? Do you blissfully cuddle all night long? Or do you lie awake all night long? How do you handle this conundrum?

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2 comments on ““I’m Afraid our Relationship will Suffer if We’re in Separate Beds”
  1. It sounds like you’ve found a good middleground; which is key to any good relationship decision!

    I am personally a cuddler! 🙂

  2. ann says:

    We have slept separate for many of last years ..mostly my choice….we have not been intimate for long time..but been married 29…

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