Originally posted October 15, 2009. Updated August 14, 2020.
My husband sent me a text message. It read, “237 glubs for you.” I had no idea what a glub is. I sent him a message back: “237 x 4.5 glubs back to you.” We’ve been sending each other silly “glub” messages ever since.
Bidding for connection
My husband’s glub message was a bid for connection. I could have ignored his message, or been less positive in my response. I confess that often I do ignore or lightly pass over my husband’s connection bids. After all I’m a busy person.
Ignoring a connection bid or responding to a connection bid by changing the subject isn’t always intentional. Given the demands of work, family, exercise goals, commutes, community activities and kids games, a positive response to a partner’s glub is understandably overlooked.
What research says about connection bids
Researcher John Gottman has found that the masters of marriage don’t ignore bids for connection. Marriage masters frequently turn to their partners with a bid for connection and their partners respond positively to those connection bids.
Another possible response to a bid for connection is a hostile response. Naturally a plethora of hostile responses to connection bids are poison for a relationship.
But the most surprising finding in Dr. Gottman’s research is the effect of neutral responses to connection bids. A pattern of consistently bland or neutral responses to connection bids pointed to a marriage disaster in the making.
Glubs replace stress with sizzle
Are you sheltering-in-place with your significant other during this COVID time? Start a glubbing text exchange. The outcome just might be some sizzle instead of stress. At least for a couple of hours.
Connect creatively with your partner via text: Glub
What’s a “glub?” you ask. It’s a nonsense word best understood by following the directions below.
Time needed: 3 minutes.
Maintain your relationship with a text – Send a “glub” to your sweetie
- Grab your cell phone
Open your favourite text messaging app
- Start typing your sweetheart’s name
Better yet: use an endearment that your partner recognizes
- Type the words “Sending you 238 glubs”
- Wait for your sweetie’s “whhhhaaatt??” response
Smile to yourself when you read that
- Respond with “It’s my way of saying I love you.”
Press send again
- You’re smiling, and your partner’s smiling too!