Originally posted March 15, 2018. Updated June 26, 2021.

Responsive lovers don't rush to the bedroom, they cultivate intimacy.

Responsive lovers are not just interested in sex. They are not people who merely arouse easily to sexual stimuli or their partner’s sexual desire. Responsive lovers are interested in all aspects of their partner. A responsive lover cultivates a deep and wide knowing of their partner. Responsive partners who make their partners feel valued are also viewed as sexually desirable.

That’s why responsive lovers don’t rush to the bedroom.

Healthy relationships are key

Sexual responsiveness has a fundamental link to a healthy relationship.

Synonyms for the word responsive reveal the qualities that go into a healthy relationship – approachable, accessible, sympathetic, compassionate, conscious, sensitive, perceptive, tender, and warm.

Responsive lovers are able to delay sexual intimacy. Sexual responsiveness is more than a physical act. Taking time to stay in touch with one another emotionally before having sexual intimacy uniquely fortifies relationships so that sexual responsiveness is woven into the fabric of a long term relationship.

Responsive lovers create a foundation of friendship and a feeling of trust and safety within their relationship. The result is a closer, more fulfilling relationship and increased sexual responsiveness.

Traits of responsive lovers

  • Expressions of love and commitment provide a framework for the meaning of sexual action within the relationship. In other words, when sex is eventually initiated, it’s more likely seen by both partners as a special event in the relationship, instead of just a physical moment of pleasure.
  • Bonding behaviours. This includes comforting one another, skin-to-skin contact, gazing into each other’s eyes, kissing, cuddling, holding hands, and more. The more frequently you and your partner engage in these behaviours the more you’ll each experience the dependable the flow of non-sexual oxytocin . You will be drawn together (Yes your body also releases this bonding hormone during sex, but it drops off quickly after climax).
  • Gratitude. Expressions of gratitude affect both the giver and the receiver. The receiver views their partner as understanding, validating, and caring. The giver not only orients to their partner when giving the appreciation, the giver also enjoys witnessing their partner’s receptiveness. In fact, expressing and receiving gratitude fuels mutual displays of responsiveness.

Responsive lovers get responsive lovers

Now it’s time for you to take action.

If you want committed love and connection to your partner as a real human being, become a responsive lover. Keep the bedroom door out of sight for the moment. Instead, take the time to stay in emotional touch with your partner and build a strong bond by demonstrating love, gratitude, and loyalty.

But what if you missed the opportunity to start your current relationship as responsive lovers? Fear not! It’s not too late.

You can bring responsiveness into your existing relationship from this moment forward. Make an effort to display the traits of a responsive lover. Then watch your relationship – and your sexual intimacy – transform into more than just a physical connection that leads you to the bedroom.

Learn more about sex therapy services at Couples In Step or contact us if you’re ready to schedule.